Back to life

Hello again, boys and girls!

There were no hilarious bugs to report, but I have changed the AI Director a bit. It is possible for the player to reach the extreme levels of “heat” by “bulling the dragon”. Spent enough time in special (named) locations and suffer the consequences. It isn’t too obvious for player yet, but would be fixed, when we would add more ambient stuff and enhance the map generator.

I have been already caught in a situation, when the Director though that my character lived long enough and starts nightmare assault. It was fun!

That’s all for today? Wait, no!

I am a game developer.

Yeah, seriously! It is a game development blog and it isn’t a blog about weight loss, positive thinking etc.

By the way! Maybe I have to start writing about it too?

At end of all, I managed to overcome the truly downfall of life and start and follow my own path to the cool future?

I have lost about 65+ lbs and have plans for more, overcome alcohol addiction, moved my paradigms, feel positive as 108 lions etc etc etc and feel grrrrreat!

I think: it could be helpful for anyone, who is in the same trap I was? What do you think?



Also about the game development in my life.

I was developing games from the… ugh.. maybe I was 3-4+ years old.

As far as I remember, I was that guy, who was inventing game we played.

Because it is cool to play tags, when you are 6-7, but it is 10000% more interesting if you spice it up with a couple of homerules.

Some of them were meager or lame, but few were played for years.

Then I have opened the board games. Ha, ha. I was a bit embarrassing experience. There were no table top d&d-like games in my childhood. So. Well.. My friend and I invented them for our own.
Ha-ha-ha! I would never forget this feeling when discovered that we have invented a bicycle. ^_^

From one hand, it was great feeling – wow! We are not alone, from other hand, felt cheated! How dare you to invent that cool stuff before I had even born!!!!1111

Aha-ha-ha.

That feel!

Hmm. I have just remembered one game, it was original and cool. Maybe I should try to remake, updated and release? Mmm. For sure!

Then the computer games followed. It was an exiting experience, so I have learned programming with a single purpose – to make computer games.

Looking back, I find that I was obsessed with making games even more that playing games from the very begging of my life.

Name it as you want ‘the Calling’ or born game developer etc.
All of them would be true.
so, you ask me, you were born game developer, got it?
What did you do later?

Make it your profession and life?

Sadly, but no.

It was, and it is, well known to be unserious and childish, not a business for Real Man (tm) and adult. Something I have never really want, but thought it should be.

I thought the same way, because, it sounded rather convincing.

And I began my path to adulthood, strangling the child inside, tearing apart my inner self and cauterizing the wounds.

It took years to be done, years of putting your own soul on a pyre.

It wasn’t easy to do all this ugly stuff to yourself, it is like to start smoking.

A friend of mine, a heavily addicted smoker, said that it took her about year(!) to learn (read: develop addiction) how to smoke. Such a shining example of “titanium balls” level of willpower!

‘sign’

Frankly..

I think that the child inside is the only reason for us to stay alive and he or she means we are alive!

Because, I have died or killed self.

Not literally, it isn’t a spiritual secretary who is typing this post, but myself, safe and sound.

Year by year, I was making “an adult real man” from myself. I can write about it later on.

And, by the age of 30-31 I was nearly dead.

Not a real surprise when you are rooting out everything that makes you alive and planting completely alien ideas into your mind and very heart.

Ohh.. I was million years old depressed obese ailing person who hates his life, meaningless stuff he is doing.. Resigned that that the best time is behind already, thrashed for nothing and he is making the last steps on the death row.

Ugh. I wrote it, and felt a chill down the spine. It was damn true.

Ha. The development of the Fall from Heaven the Roguelike (previous attempt of the Fallen) was the only bright side in my life and looking ahead, was one of the thing that saved my life.

Even it was the bright spot, but you can find a lot of depressed posts here, in this blog.
Nothing to say about other aspects of so named “life”.

So, I managed to shape myself in grown up adult form of Respectable Real Man ™.

It wasn’t going to end well, but it did.

Yeah! I live my life now!

The person who is young! Who jumps over the water puddles, developing games, counting cats and drawing on bananas + 9999999999999! ^_^

Maybe it is the topic for separate post or even posts!



PS

Right, I will make that table top game I have mentioned above. ^_^